The challenge of declining a request from a superior is a common professional hurdle.
Across industries, employees often prioritize exceeding expectations over setting personal limits.
However, unchecked ambition can lead to overwork, encroaching on personal time and disrupting work-life balance.
Experts advocate for establishing clear boundaries to mitigate this risk.
Career strategist Helen Tupper, co-founder of Squiggly Careers, suggests a subtle linguistic adjustment to reinforce these boundaries.
She advises substituting “I can’t” with “I don’t.”
According to Tupper, “I can’t” leaves room for negotiation, inviting others to challenge your limitations.
Conversely, “I don’t” presents a more decisive and less contestable stance.
As an example, Tupper suggests stating, “I don’t attend meetings after 5 p.m. on Wednesdays because I have childcare responsibilities.”
Model and culinary personality Lorraine Pascale acknowledges that her failure to implement such boundaries ultimately led to burnout.
In addition to her television career, she launched a patisserie in Covent Garden and authored several cookbooks, all while raising her daughter.
“I wasn’t adept at saying no,” Pascale admitted.
“Driven by a desire to please and influenced by external pressures, I simply kept pushing forward,” she told The Woman’s Hour Guide to Life.
Pascale added that her perfectionism, which included personally approving every recipe in her books, exacerbated the situation.
For Pascale, burnout manifested in both physical and psychological symptoms, including a strong aversion to baking.
“It triggered a full-body response—a tightness in my chest,” she explained. “I experienced internal conflict, self-reproach, guilt, and profound fatigue.”
Pascale’s experience underscores that burnout can affect individuals across all levels, although research suggests women are disproportionately affected, partly due to additional family obligations.
Dr. Claire Ashley, author of “The Burnout Doctor,” a book inspired by her personal experience, suggests that maintaining a consistent routine for ending the workday allows the brain to complete the stress cycle and benefit from time off.
However, Dr. Ashley contends that the most effective solution is to align goals with current capacity.
“Assess whether your objectives are realistic, given your current mental and emotional resources,” she advises.
For Pascale, this involved taking a break from cooking and seeking therapy, which helped her recognize that her need to impress stemmed from her childhood in foster care.
She has since pursued studies in psychology and reports feeling “much better,” gradually returning to cooking with greater intention.
While stress and long hours are inherent to many jobs,
statistics reveal a concerning rise in workers reaching their breaking point.
Research indicates that nine out of ten workers have experienced high or extreme levels of pressure or stress in the past year.
It is important to note that feeling stressed or burnt out differs from experiencing clinical burnout, even though the terms are often used interchangeably.
Dr. Ashley identifies exhaustion, detachment, and diminished performance as the three defining symptoms of clinical burnout.
A diagnosis of burnout requires the presence of all three symptoms, although experiencing some of them may indicate an increased risk.
Tupper emphasizes the importance of acknowledging and celebrating successes rather than solely focusing on future goals.
She also suggests avoiding comparisons with colleagues to foster a more personalized approach to professional growth.
Recognizing that not everyone has the leverage to decline work requests, particularly in corporate or hierarchical environments,
Dr. Richard Duggins, an NHS psychiatrist and author of “Burnout-Free Working,” frequently advises patients who struggle to set boundaries.
He encourages employees to communicate with their supervisors, regardless of their position within the company.
“Most employers, even those perceived as demanding, are receptive to making adjustments when they recognize that preventing burnout benefits everyone involved.”
He suggests that setting boundaries, requesting assistance, or adjusting workloads can be beneficial. However, if the workplace environment remains unchanged, individuals may need to make changes to protect themselves.
Acknowledging the influence of life stages can also be helpful, notes Dr. Ashley.
“It is reasonable to acknowledge that an employee working part-time or with family responsibilities may not be able to handle the same workload as a younger colleague.”
As Pascale aptly puts it: “Ambition is commendable, but learning to say no more often is essential.”
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