Seonaid McIntosh (center) had hoped to medal in Paris.
“I think it’s probably the biggest disappointment I have ever had to deal with in my life.”
Seonaid McIntosh grapples with the aftermath of two unsuccessful Olympic attempts, failing to meet expectations despite her world number one ranking.
While the wounds are not visible, she acknowledges the possibility of lasting emotional scars, even as she targets a third Olympic medal attempt in Los Angeles.
“I may get to the competition and realize that I haven’t fully overcome it; I may have just suppressed it all for a third time,” the 29-year-old Scottish shooter told BBC Scotland.
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High expectations surrounded McIntosh since her 2018 50m prone rifle world title win and subsequent World Cup final victory.
Despite further World Cup and European titles, returning from Paris without a medal, failing to reach any finals, remains a significant setback.
“I think most of it is behind me, but a little bit will always remain,” McIntosh said.
“It felt like a repeat of Tokyo [2021 Olympics]; the same issues arose in Paris, doubling the disappointment.
“I’m unsure if I’ve completely processed it. We’ll see when I resume training, or even when we get to LA.”
McIntosh initially planned to retire after Paris, regardless of her performance.
However, a conversation with her partner shifted her perspective, leading to a decision to pursue another Olympic bid.
“He said, ‘I know this isn’t the ideal time, take your time, but if you want to try again after everything, I’ll understand and support you’,” she recalled.
“I realized I couldn’t give up after two consecutive failures as world number one. I have to try again.”
“For my own peace of mind, I couldn’t retire and be content with the outcome.”
McIntosh plans to return to training in September following two surgeries—for a hip injury and a jaw problem.
Dealing with rheumatoid arthritis and Crohn’s disease, the Edinburgh shooter is accustomed to physical challenges.
As she sets her sights on Los Angeles 2028, she acknowledges that managing the psychological impact of her past Olympic experiences presents the biggest hurdle.
“Having it happen twice, I worry about a pattern. Will it happen a third time?” she said.
“The next three years will be different; I’ll constantly battle this internally.
“That voice in my head will constantly question, even if I’m at my best, world number one again – a crisis of confidence will arise, and it won’t matter.”
McIntosh has time; LA qualification opens late next year.
“I’ll be rusty, but technically, I’m still among the world’s best,” she added. “The key is managing the psychology.
“The next few years will focus on silencing that inner voice or changing its message.”