“I don’t think God intended for people in their late 20s to live with their parents,” says Hanya Aljamal.
She speaks from the balcony of the cramped apartment she shares with her mother, father, and five adult siblings – the only space offering a semblance of peace.
Two years prior, at 28, Hanya was an English teacher living independently. She had been applying to U.S. universities for a Master’s in international development, poised to receive a scholarship. Life was progressing smoothly; however, her reality has since drastically changed.
Like many days, Sunday commences with morning coffee on the balcony. From there, Hanya observes her neighbor, a man in his 70s, meticulously tending to herbs, seedlings, and plants in his orderly garden, situated across the street from a bombed-out building.
“It just looks like the purest form of resistance,” Hanya reflects. “In the middle of all this horror and uncertainty, he still finds time to grow something – and there’s something absolutely beautiful about that.”
Hanya resides in Deir al-Balah, a town in central Gaza. This 25-mile strip of land on the southeastern Mediterranean coast has been a conflict zone since October 2023. She has recorded an audio diary, shared with the BBC for a radio documentary, detailing her experiences of life there.
The school where she taught closed at the onset of the war. Hanya has become a teacher without students or a school, her former identity slipping away.
“It’s very hard finding purpose in this time, finding some sort of solace or meaning as your entire world falls apart.”
The apartment Hanya shares with her family is her fifth residence since the conflict began. The UN estimates that 90% of Gazans have been displaced, many multiple times, with most now living in temporary shelters.
On Monday, Hanya is abruptly awakened at 2 a.m.
“There was an explosion really close by that was then followed by a second, and a third,” she recounts. “It was so loud and very scary. I tried to soothe myself to sleep.”
The Israeli government states its military action in Gaza aims to dismantle the capabilities of Hamas, which describes itself as an Islamist resistance movement and is designated a terrorist organization by the UK, the US, Israel, and others.
Israel’s military actions commenced after armed Palestinian groups from Gaza, led by Hamas, attacked Israel on October 7, 2023, resulting in approximately 1,200 deaths, primarily civilians, and the abduction of 251 hostages.
To date, Israeli military actions have resulted in over 56,000 fatalities, the majority civilians, according to Gaza’s Ministry of Health, which is run by Hamas. Israel currently restricts international journalists from freely reporting from Gaza.
Hanya is now employed by the aid organization Action for Humanity, spending her days at one of their project sites. There, a group of girls in white T-shirts and keffiyehs perform a dance, followed by a group therapy session.
They share experiences of losing homes, belongings, friends, and loved ones. Suddenly, one girl breaks down in tears, silencing the group. A teaching assistant escorts her away for private comfort.
“And then someone tells me that she lost both parents,” Hanya says.
On Tuesday, Hanya observes five colorful kites soaring in the sky from her balcony.
“I like kites – they’re like an active act of hope,” she says. “Every kite is a couple of kids down there trying to have a normal childhood in the midst of all this.”
The sight of kites provides a welcome change from the drones, jets, and “killing machines” she typically sees overhead. However, later that evening, the “nightly orchestra” of nearby drones begins, their discordant buzzing creating what she describes as “psychological torture.”
“Sometimes they’re so loud you can’t even listen to your own thoughts,” she explains. “They’re kind of a reminder that they’re there watching, waiting, ready to pounce.”
On Thursday morning, the sound of loud, consistent gunfire prompts Hanya to speculate about its cause: theft, a turf war between families, or someone defending a warehouse.
She spends most of the day in bed, feeling dizzy upon standing, attributing it to fasting before Eid al-Adha amid existing malnutrition.
Hanya says the lack of control over her diet – and her life in general – is having a significant psychological impact.
“You cannot control anything – not even your thoughts, not even your wellbeing, not even who you are,” she says. “It took me a while to accept the fact that I am no longer the person that I identify myself as.”
The school where Hanya once taught has been destroyed, and the prospect of studying abroad now seems distant.
“I felt like I was gaslit,” Hanya says, “like all of these things were made up. Like none of it was true.”
The following morning, Hanya awakens to birdsong and the call to prayer.
It is the first day of Eid al-Adha, when her father would traditionally sacrifice a sheep and share the meat with the needy and relatives. However, the family lacks the means to travel, and there is no animal to sacrifice.
“All of Gaza’s population has been not eating any sort of protein, outside canned fava beans, for three months now,” she says.
Hanya’s family learns that one of her cousins was killed while attempting to obtain aid.
“To be honest, I hadn’t known him very well,” she says, “but it’s the general tragedy of someone hungry, seeking food and getting shot in the process that is quite grotesque.”
Numerous shooting incidents and hundreds of deaths have been reported at or near aid distribution points in recent weeks. The circumstances surrounding these events are disputed and difficult to verify due to restrictions on reporting in Gaza.
Hanya knows at least 10 people who have died during the conflict, including several students and a colleague who had become engaged a month prior. She was the same age as Hanya and shared her ambitions.
Hanya is updating her CV, removing her college professor’s name. He served as her referee and writing mentor, but he is now deceased.
“It’s a huge thing when someone tells you that they see you, that they believe in you, and that they bet on you,” she says.
Hanya does not believe she has adequately grieved for any of these individuals, stating she must ration her emotions in the event of harm to her immediate family.
“Grieving is a luxury many of us can’t afford.”
The crowing of roosters signals a new day, and Hanya takes in a pink and blue dawn from her balcony. She says she has developed a habit of looking to the sky as an escape.
“It’s very hard to find beauty in Gaza anymore. Everything is grey, or soot-covered, or destroyed,” Hanya says.
“The one thing about the sky is that it gives you colours and a respite of beauty that Earth lacks.”
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